4th Best Baldwin Makes News, Few to Care

April 28th, 2006Verner Von HemmingwayCelebrity Gossip

Daniel Baldwin has been arrested on drug charges after police found the actor in possession of cocaine at the Ocean Park Motel in Santa Monica, California. Bail has been set at $10, 000 – a hefty sum for the minimum wage actor most famous for his role as Wendell Stokes in the smash hit Paparazzi. While it is possible that the actor is indeed a cocaine addict, The Velvet Hot Tub has concluded that it is merely a ploy to steal the news coverage of superior bothers Alec, Stephen and Billy Baldwin. As resident medical expert Dr. Theunis Marko observes, “coco-beta-cocaine-benzoylmethyl-ecgonine [cocaine] is among other things an appetite suppressant, with symptoms of significant weightloss. The 3 chins and morbid obesity displayed by Mr. Baldwin in recent photos are simply incompatible with someone who is a user of the drug.” [source]

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4 Comments to “4th Best Baldwin Makes News, Few to Care”

carlos April 28th, 2006 at 10:48 pm

oh man, Daniel is clearly the third best baldwin.
DrDiSaia April 29th, 2006 at 3:13 am

Well that’s impressive.
Potame April 29th, 2006 at 12:05 pm

All the freaky people make the beauty of the world
Anonymous April 29th, 2006 at 5:34 pm

What? Cocaine reduces appetite? I know what’s going to be a cornerstone of the new weight-loss program I’m gonna start selling! Now I just need a euphamism to placate the oprah crowd.

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